Waiting for our Little Miracle

Pierson Charles is here!

2008-05-06T12:27:00.003-05:00

Hey all! Again, I've been really bad about posting.
This will be a little long, but I know I love reading these!
We went in at 5:00 on Friday morning (the induction didn't work on Tuesday). B hadn't progressed on her own at all so they weren't very hopeful that it would happen. After about 2 hours on the pitocin they checked her again and nothing. I was getting pretty frustrated because I felt like we were there for no reason.... again.
We were all just chilling in the room reading, watching TV, or napping when at about 11:45 B said that she thought that her water broke. I about lost it because I knew that one way or another he would be coming soon. Then all hell broke loose. Before her water broke she hadn't been having contractions at all. Now all of a sudden they were horrible. I felt so badly for B because she had to have a natural birth (she has rods in her back and can't get an epidural - they tried 5 times).
Jason and I stayed in the room, but off behind the curtain during the labor (I had to leave a couple of times to go for a walk because I couldn't handle it). The doctor checked her and she had progressed to 6 cm. He left and said he'd be back later. At about 3:15 she couldn't help but start pushing. And at 3:57 he was born (delivered by the nurses). When he first came out he had the cord around his neck which was extremely scary, but he started breathing on his own right away. As soon as he was out, B called for me to come in the room and I got to see him. I immediately hugged her and her mom and then watched what the nurses were doing to him. She kept asking the nurses to cover her up so that Jason could come into see him (she is amazing!).
We left the room for him to be cleaned up, have tests, etc. I got the bracelet put on my arm so that I could go into the nursery with him. Jason then got to see him for the first time. It was so neat to hold his hand while they were running all the tests on him. Then I got to feed him and Jason fed him as well (they let him in the nursery even though technically he wasn't allowed in there).
We kept looking at him trying to decide on a name. Connor, Brendan, or Pierson. We immediately threw out Connor. Then it was down to Brendan and Pierson. Jason went to see how B was doing and she asked what we named him. He told her that we still weren't sure. She said that she just loved the name Pierson. When he came back and told me that we just knew that was going to be his name. Charles is after my dad and Jason's grandfather.
It was a really emotionally charged couple of days in the hospital. The nurses there were wonderful to us and to B. One thing that I found out was that one of the nurses (the one who delivered him) asked B if this was hard for her. She said that it was, but that she never considered him to be her baby. "He was always Kathryn's baby." Of course that made me lose it. And there were many other things that happened that made me lose it.
I was a wreck on Sunday just sitting around waiting. When we finally got the call around 4:10 pm that everything was done and he was ours I started sobbing. Along with Jason and my dad. My mom wasn't in the room and was so excited when she came back and found out. We left the hospital as soon as possible to get home. I needed to get out of there and take my son home with me!
We've had some great days and sleepless nights so far and I'm sure that there will be lots more of that to come. He is really sweet and Jason and I are in love! I'm so thankful for him. I don't know how to post pics here so I will try to do that later.

What a week!

2008-04-22T20:48:00.003-05:00

I know that I didn't post about last week's appointment. I know. I'm a bad, bad blogger. Baxter was very ill and between trying to get him healthy again and trying to get ready for a baby I've been very busy!

We took Baxter to the vet on Monday night because he was having some "issues". They gave him some meds and he seemed to be better. By Thursday morning he was having difficulty breathing. Of course Jason was out of town so I started freaking out. I took him back into the vet and he ended up spending the night hooked up to an IV. He was very dehydrated and in pain because of his gastrointestinal issues. That is why he was having trouble breathing. It was incredibly scary. But, he has his 'tude back so I know he is 100%.

But, if you're reading this blog, you're probably not interested in my furbaby! So, back to the appointments with B.

Last week's appointment was really noneventful. The doctor was too busy to even be a jerk to us. We went out and had ice cream afterwards and then went home (to take care of Baxter).

This week the doctor examined B and said that he wanted to see her again on Monday because if she is ready he will induce her on TUESDAY, APRIL 29TH. We didn't go back in the room with her, so we're not exactly sure what he is looking for on Monday, but we hope that he sees it! She will be 39 weeks on Monday so I would assume that she is good to go. So, we're planning on driving down there on Monday for the appointment and staying until our son is born.

While B was back in the exam room we talked with the social worker. She was also the person that went to appointments with us for our first match. We were telling her that even though it hurt like hell to have the first match not work out, we just feel so much more comfortable with B. I really see us having a relationship with her and I don't know that I could see that with the first pbm (V). Everything has just been so easy with B whereas it wasn't with V. The social worker told us that she thought our match was "a match made in heaven". She also confirmed what we had suspected that V was scamming the agency. She never intended to place. I am so thankful that she ended her scam when she did because if she hadn't we would not have had the opportunity to meet and match with B. I really know now how lucky we are!

If it's Tuesday, we must be meeting!

2008-04-08T22:03:00.005-05:00

We had another appointment today. It was a little bit later than usual. We drove there and were about 40 minutes early (by design) and stopped by the hospital. The worker showed Jason around since he didn't get to see everything last week. She also told us that she found out that the room is being offered to us for FREE! Yup. Now, I am sure that somehow, someway the room is being paid for by someone's insurance or something (maybe even our insurance, but she never asked for anything), but it is still really nice. She even gave us some coupons for the hospital cafeteria.

Then we went to the doctor's appointment. B and the agency worker were there already. We talked a little bit and then she got called back. The doctor was a dick (sorry, but he was) like always. He kept saying over and over again that I would get pregnant as soon as we adopt this baby and how that would be great (he even asked me if I had ever had an HSG and that was all I needed - see my earlier posts if you even care to know if I've had an HSG). Well, that would be nice, but right now I don't care about that. What I care about is this baby. I don't appreciate him (in my mind) putting down our decision to adopt AND B's decision to place. Jason keeps asking the doctor to put some money down that we'll get pregnant (which I think pisses the doctor off) and he refuses. I LOVE my husband!!!!

The agency worker got the doctor to agree to induce B if she hadn't delivered by 39 weeks (around April 28th). That was like pulling teeth. B asked her to ask him (I think she is afraid of the doc) because her and her mom have decided to move to California. They are planning on moving in mid May and she wants to be recovered enough to pack and for the flight. I have mixed feelings about this (even though I know that my feelings are not what is important here). I want her to be closer so that we can visit, but then I wonder if it might be better for her if she is farther away. She talked a lot at lunch about how she wanted to do things that a 17 year old should be doing. I really feel for her.

We went out to lunch and B shared with us that her grandfather doesn't know that she is pregnant. And, he lives in the same town that she does (which is not a large town). She indicated that he would not be pleased. We weren't sure if that is because she has decided to place OR if it is because she is pregnant. I am more than a little concerned about this. I don't want someone in her family to be upset with her decision. But, ultimately it is her decision.

Then we had the pedicures. Now, anyone that knows me knows that I am a bit of a germ-a-phobe (a wee bit of a germ-a-phobe). I kept telling myself on the way to the salon "it will be okay", "if it isn't the cleanest place don't freak out", "one time at a not so clean place and you should be okay", etc. I hadn't mentioned anything to Jason about this beforehand. He did ask B if we were going somewhere nice. Something to the effect of "now did I hear something about people getting infections from not going to nice places?". THANK GOD. She actually decided to go somewhere else. It was a little pricier than what I'm used to, BUT worth it. I'm not a fan of my color choice (purple - who would have thought?). And, no, Jason didn't participate. He sat in the chair next to us and played with the massage thingy the whole time. He also seemed really interested in what they were doing to our feet. Maybe one day....

Her next appointment is on April 15th in the late afternoon.

Fabulous Meeting!!!

2008-04-01T19:21:00.005-05:00

I went to the appointment today. Jason was unable to go b/c of work obligations and b/c he had to sit at home on Monday and wait for someone to come and fix our air conditioner. So, my dad went with me.

We got there about 9:30 and walked around Walgreens trying to kill some time. About 9:45 we arrived at the doctor's office. We decided to wait in the car for a couple of minutes when our phone rang. It was our pbm calling us to see where we were. Of course we rushed right in.

We talked a little bit about how school is going, etc. Then she handed me a card for the hospital where she is going to deliver. Apparently when she registered there she told them that the baby is going to be adopted. They are going to give us a room at the hospital! Can you believe it? Luckily for us we are going to be able to stay at the hospital and they are going to come to our room and show us all of the things that we are CLUELESS about doing! I can't get over how great this is. We actually went to the hospital and the admitting people showed us around. I can see why she wants to deliver there.

When we went out to lunch we talked about a lot of stuff that had to do with the baby. I kept asking her what she felt about things and her response was that it didn't matter what she thought and it wasn't her decision. I thought that was pretty nice of her.

One thing we're pretty excited about is that she may be moving closer to us. I have come to really care for her and would love to be able to see her. At one time she was talking about moving to California which I was upset about, but I am so glad that at least our town is in the mix.

Her next appointment is April 8th (weekly appointments from now on). Hopefully Jason will make it to that one. We're going to get pedicures afterwards : ). However I do feel badly for whoever does Jason's feet if he decides to join in on the fun.

We talked today

2008-03-23T21:47:00.003-05:00

to our potential birthmom. She was quite busy as her son was crying so we only spoke for a few minutes. She said that her appointment went well on Tuesday and that her next appointment is on April 1st (guess I won't have to hear all the April's Fools jokes this year at school). Anyways it was a pretty boring conversation. I hope that things are still going okay.....

Will I ever be relaxed about this?

2008-03-22T23:47:00.003-05:00

I am having sort of a difficult time today. I'm not sure why, but I just keep expecting to get a call from the agency that B has changed her mind. I am hoping that it is just my way of protecting myself and not because she has actually changed her mind. I know that it has been awhile since we talked to her and that probably isn't helping at all. We are going to try to call her tomorrow. Hopefully that will put me at ease.

It's a....

2008-03-04T16:43:00.004-06:00

MATCH! Jason and I went with our potential birthmom to the doctor's appointment today. We got to hear the heartbeat which was really neat. It was just beating away in there! So cool!

We talked to the doctor and asked him if there were any concerns and he said no (which is what we thought after looking over her medical information, but hey, I'm no doctor!). We then went out to lunch with her and had a pretty good time. She is just so nice.

Her next appointment is on 3/18. We will not be able to make it, but hopefully we can go to the next one.

The meeting da da duh!

2008-02-18T17:26:00.002-06:00

We had our first face to face meeting with our potential birthmom yesterday. She was very sweet. Our conversation was a little awkward for about 2 or 3 minutes and then it started flowing really well. I have found out what I have in common with a 17 year old.... VH1 and MTV! We spent a lot of time talking about baaaaaad TV and her starting her GED classes.
We had a different facilitator from the agency with us than who we expected, but we were actually glad about that. The one that we thought was going to be there acted a little oddly (in my opinion) during our meeting with our 1st potential birthmom. The thing that was weird about this meeting is that the facilitator brought her boyfriend (???). I think it was because it was a last minute thing for her, but I'm not sure. Anyway, everything ended up being fine and we didn't need her at all. She didn't really say anything to us, but that is because she didn't have to! Unlike the first time when our facilitator (different from the 2 mentioned here) was a mute.
After lunch we actually drove her home and got to meet her mom and her son. Her mom was also a really warm person. Her son was sick, but his smile lit up the room when we walked in. We didn't stay for long, but we did give her our phone number (which she said she already had) and our email address. She asked us to come with her to her next doctor's appointment on March 4th.
She mentioned that she really likes CSI and I told her about the exhibit. I think that we're going to see if we can go to that with her sometime soon.

Due to popular request....

2008-02-11T19:31:00.001-06:00

I am THE WORST blogger. It doesn't even cross my mind to post until someone points out to me that they are waiting for an update!
We talked with the birthmom on Thursday night. It was a little awkward, but generally a good conversation. The conversation seemed a lot more natural than it did with the other birthmom that we were talking to. We have quite a bit in common. The agency is trying to set up an in person meeting between us and B sometime this weekend. I am hoping that the first "facilitator" (and I use that term loosely) that we had is not there and that it is someone else. I honestly feel like we would do much better without her there. But, if it is someone else from the agency I think we'll be okay. Or, I would even feel comfortable doing it without anyone from the agency there.
I am a little excited, but not as excited as I was before. Not because of this birthmom or anything to do with her, but I just can't allow myself to get my hopes up. Besides, this does not seem real to me yet. I think that I'll believe it when I have a baby in my arms.

Take 2!

2008-02-05T18:02:00.000-06:00

We got a call from the agency today. There is another birthmom that wants to meet with us. She is due in early May. We are going to have a telephone conference with her on Thursday night and then depending on how things go we are going to meet with her in person (she lives 2 to 3 hours away). And, again, we are the only people she wants to meet with.
I am not as nervous about this meeting as I was with the first one because I've "been there done that". I also think that it being over the phone may be better because Jason and I can nudge each other and write down questions and information.
I'll let you know how it goes. This may end up being the best birthday present ever (I turned 34 today - was dreading it, but it may not end up being so bad).

Not to be again (is that 3 times now???)....

2008-01-30T16:28:00.000-06:00

Birthmom decided to parent. We were her choice (and we had decided that we were ready based on a good report at the doc's today) to match with her. To say that I'm devastated doesn't even begin to cover it.
So that makes 2 m/c and 1 failed pretty much a match in 7 months. I am sick of this roller coaster. I would rather get a BFN from IVF and not have a birthmom pick us and then change her mind (Jason and I have a theory about this, but I will keep it between us). My hopes were so up and they have now crashed down.
Back into the pool we go. They have a couple of birthmom's that aren't ready to match yet, so it will probably be awhile before we are shown again. Probably won't be posting much as I'm pretty upset and don't have a lot of good to say.
I have to say that I feel cheated. I feel cheated b/c infertility has taken away so much from me. And now I feel cheated in the adoption process b/c I WILL NOT be able to enjoy another match. Someone (who has also adopted) said that we should let ourselves enjoy this time and get excited. I think she's right. And, Jason and I did that. BUT, after this I will not be able to do that. This will always be in the back of my mind. I feel like I have been cheated out of enjoying things that are just so basic to life. I can not enjoy the anticipation of my child.

I HEART specialists!

2008-01-27T22:26:00.000-06:00

We went with V to her heart specialist appointment on Friday. Her regular OB appointment was moved to Tuesday because she was having a lot of pain and throwing up. Ends up that she has a hernia and there isn't really anything that she can do for the pain except take Tylenol. Poor thing! She must be in so much pain!

Jason and I arrived about 5 minutes late to the appointment and they had already taken her back. She came out about an hour later and said that everything looked great (they weren't even sure why she had been sent to see them - which we LOVED hearing). We had a MUCH better conversation with her (we were all laughing and talking) and ended up going out to lunch with her and a different social worker. Lunch went really well and we were supposed to go out to lunch with her and the birth father on Sunday, (no one from the agency, just us) but she had to cancel. We're tentatively going to try to do it next weekend.

We are not officially matched yet b/c we want to go with her to a regular doctor's appointment (the one who she has seen for this entire pregnancy), but I am feeling really good about this. Her next appointment is this Wednesday. She moved it to later in the day so that I could come without having to take any time off of work (which I thought was really sweet of her).

So, things seem to be going well. I am starting to freak out a little bit about actually having a kid within the next couple of weeks and having to take care of a kid in the next couple of weeks AND not being prepared in the slightest for it. All of this baby stuff is so confusing! We went and looked at stuff last weekend and yesterday after the appointment and I just don't even know where to start. We will need to buy a crib and a stroller/car seat, but luckily my brother and Jason's sister are giving us a swing, bouncy vibrating seat, high chair, pack 'n play, and other big (and probably a lot of small) things. It is just so overwhelming! I also think that we need to take a parenting class so I need to start researching into that. AHHHH!!! (but in a GREAT way) So, fingers are crossed that things go well at this next appointment AND that if we decide that we want to match that she still wants to match with us!

THE Meeting on Friday 1/18

2008-01-27T22:16:00.000-06:00

I have been so bad about posting and then I thought that I just wouldn't post, but I think that I should post so that I can remember how this all went. It will HOPEFULLY be something good to remember!

We met with V the birthmom. We had been told that she was pretty quiet and shy so we sat down the night before and talked about things to ask her and talk about so that hopefully we would have good conversation and a good meeting. Well, things didn't go quite as planned....

The meeting was extremely awkward. Jason, who can talk to anyone, asked her a lot of questions and tried to make conversation, but we only got one or two word answers from her. There were a lot of uncomfortable silences. After he got the ball rolling as much as he could I jumped in too with some conversation. Our facilitator from the agency didn't really say anything and was NOT helpful at all (I said something to the agency about it afterwards because I was pissed. We knew that she wouldn't talk a whole lot, but the facilitator WHO KNOWS HER should have helped in that regard).

We found out afterwards that she really liked us. We had a couple of reservations about some potential medical issues so we asked if we could go to her doctor's appointments with her to ask some questions before we decided on matching. So we left it that we would go to an appointment with her on Thursday (regular OB appointment) and Friday (appointment with a heart specialist).

The meeting is set up!

2008-01-10T20:51:00.000-06:00

Just a quick update that our meeting with the birthmom is scheduled for Friday the 18th. Jason and I are of course getting nervous and trying to figure out what to talk about and if we should bring anything. We are very excited and of course will update once we know something.

Fingers crossed!!!!

Hmmm.... Not sure what to call this one....

2008-01-03T14:56:00.000-06:00

I finally took the time to look at our agency's online profile tool. It tells you who has looked at your profile and the result. I saw that our profile had been shown on 12/27/07 to a birthmom and as this was our first "showing" of course I had questions. I emailed the social worker and asked her if we would get any feedback from the birthmom about our profile (we want to make changes if something turns her off) and then also asked if the online tool would be updated when she chose someone.
Our social worker emailed me back to call her. The conversation went something like this:

Jennifer - "Hey Kathryn! Just wanted to talk to you about your questions. I will definitely let you know if a birthmom has feedback about your profile, but most of the time they don't. Most of the time they say that they just felt more connected with another family. And we definitely update the MIS once the birthmom has chosen a family."
Me - "Okay." Wondering why you couldn't email me that???
Jennifer - "We did show your profile and the birthmom wants to meet you."
Me - "WHAT???"
Jennifer - "Yes, and she ONLY wants to meet you and Jason. No other families."
Me (shaking terribly) - "What???? Did you say she wants to meet us?"
Jennifer - "Yes."
Me (still shaking) - "And only us?"
Jennifer - "Yes."

Then we continued our conversation and Jennifer told me all about the birthmom and birthdad and their histories. She also told me about the birthmom's prenatal care, etc. All around it sounds like an awesome situation for us. And, the due date is March 15th! Our 5th wedding anniversary.

This is my conversation with Jason:
Me - "I'm not sure what to say, but a birthmom wants to meet us, and only us."
Jason - "What?"
Me - "You heard me. Can you believe it?" I then summarized ALL of the information that Jennifer and I talked about.
Jason - "Are we really that kick ass?"

Anyways, thanks for letting me get that out. I know that reading a bunch of dialogue is kind of weird, but I am still SOOOO freaked out right now. Hopefully we'll meet with the birthmom in the next week or two.

Obviously I have more information than I'm divulging, but we'll wait and see what happens.

Hurry up and wait

2007-12-09T21:04:00.000-06:00

Well, a lot has happened since I last posted. I actually started a post a couple of weeks ago and then just never had the time to finish it (which considering the content was probably a good thing).

Anyhow I would first off like to say a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS to Jennifer and Brad. They just celebrated the birth of their first child, Lauren. I am so excited for them and can't wait to meet her! They are wonderful people and I'm sure are already great parents!

Back to me : ). We have completed our home study (it really was painless) and our profile (the book that is shown to potential birth mothers).

The profile was actually a huge undertaking. We scrapbooked it and since I've never done anything like that before I was so clueless! Jason and I spent many an hour at Hobby Lobby and Michael's picking out just the right paper. And then going back and re-picking out just the right paper. I swear that the employees must have thought that we were casing the place! After much time and a couple of arguments (I'm glad that he was so involved, really!) we finally got the paper and stickers picked out.

The pictures were hard to pick out as well. Jason's family are photograph fiends and take pictures at any event for any reason. They were easy. My family however hasn't had a picture taken together in years. And each family unit hasn't had a picture taken together for awhile. So we had to have them all take pictures and then they sent them to us and we "approved" them. It was like pulling teeth!

But the book is done and turned in. We paid part of our money and now we're eligible to be shown to birth mothers. The average wait time is 6 - 12 months to be matched and then you wait until the birth mom gives birth.

It wasn't THAT bad

2007-10-21T21:31:00.000-05:00

Today was the first day that I have gotten onto the computer and it was so nice to see all of the supportive comments. I am really reminded of the community of IF out there and how supportive you all are! I have often replied to posts or blogs of people that I don't know for BFNs, miscarriages, or BFPs and wondered if it meant anything to them. I can tell you that from my experience it does mean something.

Warning - TMI ahead. Well, I started bleeding on Thursday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Not really any cramping either. And it appears that it is over. So, I start BCPs tonight and we wait. I am waiting for the crying to start (not that I haven't cried), but it hasn't. I'm not sure if it is because I am numb to all this or if I just haven't reached that phase yet. I don't really remember crying a lot after the ectopic. But this is a little different. I just thought the ectopic was bad luck. I'm having a hard time believing that 2 losses in 4 months is bad luck.

I haven't actually finished the adoption paperwork yet, but I am hoping I'll have some time to work on it within the next couple of days. Maybe at work (tee hee).

Not to be...

2007-10-15T21:42:00.001-05:00

We found out this morning that we are miscarrying. I find it a little ironic that it is on pregnancy & infant loss awareness day. That would make 2 losses in the last 4 months. I feel broken and done. Jason isn't ready to close the door on treatments yet. Emotionally I don't know if I can do this anymore. Maybe next summer.
Anyways, we are going to complete our adoption paperwork and get the homestudy started. I really just want to be a parent.

Still Lookin' Good!

2007-10-11T17:22:00.000-05:00

Beta doubled to 551 today so we are still looking good! Karen (the nurse that I love) actually called Jason to let him know! She is so great.

I go in again on Monday for another beta and then based on that I think I'll go in on Wednesday for an early ultrasound. They want to rule out an ectopic.

Cautiously Optimistic...

2007-10-09T18:29:00.000-05:00

Beta at 18DPO is 263. Here's hoping to a doubling result on Thursday. And then a baby in the uterus after that. And then.... Well you get the picture.

I am still in shock...

2007-09-25T22:43:00.000-05:00

Can't believe that tomorrow is the big day. We haven't heard anything since Saturday so I don't know what to expect tomorrow. As long as we have at least one I'll be fine (but would love more!!!). I'll update as soon as I can.

Some news is good news...

2007-09-24T19:37:00.000-05:00

Well, we were confirmed again today that our transfer would be on Wednesday. No info on #s, but I can only assume that they are looking good. I'm ready to go in tomorrow if need be, but am so hoping not to. I'm going to ask Jason to call tomorrow to see if he can get a report.

You said what???

2007-09-22T23:53:00.000-05:00

I got the call this morning and was told that we had 4 eggs fertilize. I nearly dropped the phone. I asked the nurse 3 times if she had the right person! I know that doesn't mean that we'll have 4 to choose from for ET, but so far so good. I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up.
Oh, and doc wants to try to wait until Wednesday for ET. A little nervous about that, but I really trust him and his instincts. I'll be fine with Monday or Tuesday (I have left sub plans just in case), but it sure would be nice to be able to wait until Wednesday!

This is the stressful part....

2007-09-21T22:13:00.000-05:00

We had ER this morning. I did pretty well until it came time to get the IV. The last person that stuck me for an IV had me in tears. I know that it isn't a pleasant process, but it shouldn't feel like someone is rooting around in your hand with an ice pick! Anyways, the nurse was very nice and got it on the first try. It hardly hurt at all!

Jason told me that we got 4 (maybe 5) eggs. Not sure how he doesn't know the exact number, but I'm not going to stress about it. Hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow and we'll have something to transfer on Monday.

Trigger happy!

2007-09-19T23:39:00.000-05:00

Well, I couldn't have picked a worse time to do IVF. One of the teachers on my team quit and I will get 5 new kids on Friday. But, I won't be there to meet them or get them settled into my room. I'll be asleep on a table getting a needle stuck up my whoo ha. Good times. Oh, and I hopefully won't be there the following Monday through Wednesday. So, basically I will meet my new kids on Thursday.

Anyways, we got to trigger tonight. The shots are starting to hurt a little. I guess because my hiney is getting sore.

Hoping for a few good eggs on Friday. Fingers crossed.

Busy as a Bee

2007-08-23T20:37:00.000-05:00

I checked my own blog today and we have comments! Wow! I hadn't really told anyone about this (it is obviously not a secret). Thanks for reading!

BTW, Jason is a little freaked out that I am using his name on the web. Ha ha! If he only knew...

Things are quite busy right now with school so this may be a really slow blog for a week or two.

A summer to forget....

2007-08-17T15:03:00.000-05:00

This summer has been a difficult time in our family. Jason hurt his ankle at the beginning of June and it still hasn't completely healed. Baxter (our dog) also hurt his ankle and had to have surgery. He is really milking all of the attention and walks that he is getting. And last, but not least, we have the pregnancy that wasn't meant to be.

We started our 2nd IVF cycle in mid April and we did end up getting pregnant. I remember when Jason called me to tell me the great news (the nurse couldn't get a hold of me and she wanted to talk to one of us to tell us the news!). I remember telling my parents and how they both cried because they were so excited. I remember how cute Jason was touching my belly each night and telling our embryos to snuggle in. Unfortunately it was short lived. When we went in for our 1st ultrasound we couldn't see anything. Two excruciating days later we went in for another ultrasound and still couldn't see anything. My betas were still doubling. Long story short it was an ectopic pregnancy. I couldn't and still can't believe that after over 2 and 1/2 years of trying to conceive that my first ever pregnancy would end as an ectopic! How unfair is that??? Other people get pregnant by "just having sex" and I have to pay thousands of dollars and endure hundreds of needles and the "dildo cam" just to have a shot at it!

Jason and I (mostly me - he is much better at dealing with these things) are still upset over it. It means we have to keep on trying. The hell is not over.

We tried to do another IVF during the summer time, but I had a cyst. So, we are waiting until the beginning of September to start IVF #3. We've decided that we will do 2 more IVF cycles total before moving on. Hopefully the third time's the charm!