It wasn't THAT bad

Today was the first day that I have gotten onto the computer and it was so nice to see all of the supportive comments. I am really reminded of the community of IF out there and how supportive you all are! I have often replied to posts or blogs of people that I don't know for BFNs, miscarriages, or BFPs and wondered if it meant anything to them. I can tell you that from my experience it does mean something.

Warning - TMI ahead. Well, I started bleeding on Thursday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Not really any cramping either. And it appears that it is over. So, I start BCPs tonight and we wait. I am waiting for the crying to start (not that I haven't cried), but it hasn't. I'm not sure if it is because I am numb to all this or if I just haven't reached that phase yet. I don't really remember crying a lot after the ectopic. But this is a little different. I just thought the ectopic was bad luck. I'm having a hard time believing that 2 losses in 4 months is bad luck.

I haven't actually finished the adoption paperwork yet, but I am hoping I'll have some time to work on it within the next couple of days. Maybe at work (tee hee).

Not to be...

We found out this morning that we are miscarrying. I find it a little ironic that it is on pregnancy & infant loss awareness day. That would make 2 losses in the last 4 months. I feel broken and done. Jason isn't ready to close the door on treatments yet. Emotionally I don't know if I can do this anymore. Maybe next summer.
Anyways, we are going to complete our adoption paperwork and get the homestudy started. I really just want to be a parent.

Still Lookin' Good!

Beta doubled to 551 today so we are still looking good! Karen (the nurse that I love) actually called Jason to let him know! She is so great.

I go in again on Monday for another beta and then based on that I think I'll go in on Wednesday for an early ultrasound. They want to rule out an ectopic.

Cautiously Optimistic...

Beta at 18DPO is 263. Here's hoping to a doubling result on Thursday. And then a baby in the uterus after that. And then.... Well you get the picture.

I am still in shock...

Can't believe that tomorrow is the big day. We haven't heard anything since Saturday so I don't know what to expect tomorrow. As long as we have at least one I'll be fine (but would love more!!!). I'll update as soon as I can.

Some news is good news...

Well, we were confirmed again today that our transfer would be on Wednesday. No info on #s, but I can only assume that they are looking good. I'm ready to go in tomorrow if need be, but am so hoping not to. I'm going to ask Jason to call tomorrow to see if he can get a report.

You said what???

I got the call this morning and was told that we had 4 eggs fertilize. I nearly dropped the phone. I asked the nurse 3 times if she had the right person! I know that doesn't mean that we'll have 4 to choose from for ET, but so far so good. I'm trying so hard not to get my hopes up.
Oh, and doc wants to try to wait until Wednesday for ET. A little nervous about that, but I really trust him and his instincts. I'll be fine with Monday or Tuesday (I have left sub plans just in case), but it sure would be nice to be able to wait until Wednesday!

This is the stressful part....

We had ER this morning. I did pretty well until it came time to get the IV. The last person that stuck me for an IV had me in tears. I know that it isn't a pleasant process, but it shouldn't feel like someone is rooting around in your hand with an ice pick! Anyways, the nurse was very nice and got it on the first try. It hardly hurt at all!

Jason told me that we got 4 (maybe 5) eggs. Not sure how he doesn't know the exact number, but I'm not going to stress about it. Hopefully we'll get good news tomorrow and we'll have something to transfer on Monday.

Trigger happy!

Well, I couldn't have picked a worse time to do IVF. One of the teachers on my team quit and I will get 5 new kids on Friday. But, I won't be there to meet them or get them settled into my room. I'll be asleep on a table getting a needle stuck up my whoo ha. Good times. Oh, and I hopefully won't be there the following Monday through Wednesday. So, basically I will meet my new kids on Thursday.

Anyways, we got to trigger tonight. The shots are starting to hurt a little. I guess because my hiney is getting sore.

Hoping for a few good eggs on Friday. Fingers crossed.

A summer to forget....

This summer has been a difficult time in our family. Jason hurt his ankle at the beginning of June and it still hasn't completely healed. Baxter (our dog) also hurt his ankle and had to have surgery. He is really milking all of the attention and walks that he is getting. And last, but not least, we have the pregnancy that wasn't meant to be.

We started our 2nd IVF cycle in mid April and we did end up getting pregnant. I remember when Jason called me to tell me the great news (the nurse couldn't get a hold of me and she wanted to talk to one of us to tell us the news!). I remember telling my parents and how they both cried because they were so excited. I remember how cute Jason was touching my belly each night and telling our embryos to snuggle in. Unfortunately it was short lived. When we went in for our 1st ultrasound we couldn't see anything. Two excruciating days later we went in for another ultrasound and still couldn't see anything. My betas were still doubling. Long story short it was an ectopic pregnancy. I couldn't and still can't believe that after over 2 and 1/2 years of trying to conceive that my first ever pregnancy would end as an ectopic! How unfair is that??? Other people get pregnant by "just having sex" and I have to pay thousands of dollars and endure hundreds of needles and the "dildo cam" just to have a shot at it!

Jason and I (mostly me - he is much better at dealing with these things) are still upset over it. It means we have to keep on trying. The hell is not over.

We tried to do another IVF during the summer time, but I had a cyst. So, we are waiting until the beginning of September to start IVF #3. We've decided that we will do 2 more IVF cycles total before moving on. Hopefully the third time's the charm!