It wasn't THAT bad

Today was the first day that I have gotten onto the computer and it was so nice to see all of the supportive comments. I am really reminded of the community of IF out there and how supportive you all are! I have often replied to posts or blogs of people that I don't know for BFNs, miscarriages, or BFPs and wondered if it meant anything to them. I can tell you that from my experience it does mean something.

Warning - TMI ahead. Well, I started bleeding on Thursday and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Not really any cramping either. And it appears that it is over. So, I start BCPs tonight and we wait. I am waiting for the crying to start (not that I haven't cried), but it hasn't. I'm not sure if it is because I am numb to all this or if I just haven't reached that phase yet. I don't really remember crying a lot after the ectopic. But this is a little different. I just thought the ectopic was bad luck. I'm having a hard time believing that 2 losses in 4 months is bad luck.

I haven't actually finished the adoption paperwork yet, but I am hoping I'll have some time to work on it within the next couple of days. Maybe at work (tee hee).

Not to be...

We found out this morning that we are miscarrying. I find it a little ironic that it is on pregnancy & infant loss awareness day. That would make 2 losses in the last 4 months. I feel broken and done. Jason isn't ready to close the door on treatments yet. Emotionally I don't know if I can do this anymore. Maybe next summer.
Anyways, we are going to complete our adoption paperwork and get the homestudy started. I really just want to be a parent.

Still Lookin' Good!

Beta doubled to 551 today so we are still looking good! Karen (the nurse that I love) actually called Jason to let him know! She is so great.

I go in again on Monday for another beta and then based on that I think I'll go in on Wednesday for an early ultrasound. They want to rule out an ectopic.

Cautiously Optimistic...

Beta at 18DPO is 263. Here's hoping to a doubling result on Thursday. And then a baby in the uterus after that. And then.... Well you get the picture.