Birthmom decided to parent. We were her choice (and we had decided that we were ready based on a good report at the doc's today) to match with her. To say that I'm devastated doesn't even begin to cover it.
So that makes 2 m/c and 1 failed pretty much a match in 7 months. I am sick of this roller coaster. I would rather get a BFN from IVF and not have a birthmom pick us and then change her mind (Jason and I have a theory about this, but I will keep it between us). My hopes were so up and they have now crashed down.
Back into the pool we go. They have a couple of birthmom's that aren't ready to match yet, so it will probably be awhile before we are shown again. Probably won't be posting much as I'm pretty upset and don't have a lot of good to say.
I have to say that I feel cheated. I feel cheated b/c infertility has taken away so much from me. And now I feel cheated in the adoption process b/c I WILL NOT be able to enjoy another match. Someone (who has also adopted) said that we should let ourselves enjoy this time and get excited. I think she's right. And, Jason and I did that. BUT, after this I will not be able to do that. This will always be in the back of my mind. I feel like I have been cheated out of enjoying things that are just so basic to life. I can not enjoy the anticipation of my child.
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2 comments:
I'm so terribly sorry that this has happened. I am crying with you. I'll continue to keep you and Jason in my prayers. It's so incredibly unfair.
I second what Jennifer said, my heart is broken for you and I'm so sorry to hear this.
Not cool and not fair, at all.
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